The rumours are true. I have 15 years of experience working in Figma.

My work defies age and logic.

The stuff which everyone looks at

I know that despite the detailed list of my work experience, skills, and interests in product design... I’ll still be only be messaged by recruiters for wrong roles, or those where I already work.

Experience

Currently I Job at Company. About to hit my 4th mid life crisis.
Before this, I was another Design-Title at a small Startup that went under immediately, so there’s no way to prove that it’s real. While I was here, my panic attacks grew 4x and I saw a solid increase in depression retention.
Led design for an NGO with a great social cause but what I really did was make a logo which they did not use cause they were busy actually working.
I had a brief stint with an agency which is a nice way to say I was working as a contractor and worked with brand names that end with -ly, -able and -ify.
I started my career at another-ify where over a course of 3 years, I was able to increase my odds of working at a higher wage by 42%

Education

Youtube School of Art & Design
Double majored in Self-Taught Design and video tutorials with a minor in Hackathons
You can never know when I actually graduated otherwise I will lose all credibility.

The things which only search engines and bots look at

I don’t even know if this section needs to be on my resume, I just know that everyone else in the industry does it, so I should too.

Skills

Knows how to copy another team’s published process along with the same decisions they took, even if the project is completely different.
No really. I can literally say anything here (Focus groups, A/B Testing, Interview, Contextual Research, Visual Design, Animal Testing, Drawing, Information Architecture, Wireframing, Usability Testing, 3D Printing, Space Travel, Rapid Prototyping, Experience Mapping) and you’ll just take my word for it!!? Isn’t that wild? Why are we like this?
Yeah I’m a 3D designer! I’ve used tons of shadows and bezels (My speciality is remaking skeumorphic app logos on Figma, so I get lots of likes on my community file which ties in to my online brand identity)
Communication (i know how to talk about design, but only to other designers)
Will high five in Figma

Tools

All the tools you know already
You’re going force me to use internal tools anyway
I really hope you have Figma, I can’t go back
Balsamiq (I don’t even know what this is, but you’re never going to ask)
Saying Cinema 4D for SEO but I can only make a donut on blender
HTML, JS from that one week course I had taken in 8th grade (this is only so that the Design Lead who used to be an engineer thinks I am smart)

The things which only I look at

Because it isn't just enough to be good at your job in this goddamn industry, you also need to prance around like it's a dog and pony show, even if it is regurgitating the same stuff slightly paraphrased.

Speaking

Got the mic for 46 seconds in a Twitter space about “What Stranger Things can teach us about UX Design”
Led a workshop about the difference between UX and UI (you know exactly the image I’m talking about) to the gardeners association. They didn’t appreciate it when I explained that what they do isn’t “real work”

Awards

Honored and humbled to announce I’ve been included in the targeted ad audience for UX Bootcamps
An award from a company which they give to anyone who stays longer than 2 years
Won a self-proclaimed highly prestigious design award at a conference no one really knows about, out of a total of 2 entries after paying a $300 submission fee

The rumours are true. I have 15 years of experience working in Figma.My work defies age and logic.